A man with a very pure spirit does DXM to 4th plateau and the spirits there marvel at him and bless him for his purity and honesty. After his trip ends, he doesn't quite return to normality. He begins to think things happen in his everyday life when in actual fact they don't happen. He subsequently comes to question his every thought.
A scene is played out showing, for example, our hero going on a date. Afterwards, on what "appears to be" the following evening to him, he interacts with the girl he went out on a date with, but she denies any knowledge of this happening. He then sees a clock and realises - actually no, he couldn't have gone out on a date with her because he hasn't yet asked her out. He stutters, "Uh - didn't I ask you to go out with me the other day..? We did go out on a date last night, didn't we?" Apparently not...
This condition gets worse. Soon our hero is wondering whether or not he done the simplest of things, like drink a beer or go out for a drive. He can visualise himself - how he must have walked to the fridge or got in the car...but the memory doesn't feel as though it fits into any time-line or have any substance to it.
This is pretty spooky right? It is basically how one can feel on higher plateau DXM (a dissociative) or large doses of HBW, and probably many other drugs. Additionally it is sensation - a warping of reality - which a person can experience during psycosis brought on by other means (such as stress, mood imbalance, obsession etc). Lastly, it can occur during or following our dreams. Ever woken up after a vivid dream, or remembered it later during the day, and thought "Wow, I dreamt that so vividly...I could almost believe it was real; that it actually happened"......
This concept is real. If we learn to understand and train this altered consciousness then we can play through senarios in our heads and learn a lot from them. Like lucid dreaming, except we induce it through a state of meditation.
A step above this is the affect of diliriants. I have done DPH on two occaisions and it is a truely incredible experience. This is the really scarey stuff (not to mention its toxicity to your body). But I won't get into that now.
Now I'm going to descend to the realms of the fantastic...I just think this could make a decent, spooky sort of anime XD
What would happen if our original hero somehow began to harness his confusing new power...being able to "think" that an event happened could actually make its happening a truth. Imagine our hero forcing himself to visualise and believe in an alternate reality and it in turn coming to be an actuality - anything from having a date with a girl, to causing the suicide of an enemy...anything could come to be...
So long as he keeps his grip, of course.
Sunday, 23 November 2008
Saturday, 22 November 2008
There was one table running, the occupants of which ranged from forty to sixty years of age, with a single bearded anomaly who resembled Dolye Brunson right down to the wise, unwavering glow of his eyes. I scrutinised each person carefully, with the meditative efficiency of a bee as it roams an exotic flowerbed.
"We're fucked", I said to Erik. A lone, full table of regulars - possibly some of the richest men in the district - stared back at us as if we were the very girls they might later purchase with our money.
After an impassioned wait we both sat down and bought in for the minimum 1000 peso. With an ante of 25 (there were no blinds) and a standard bet being at least the size of the pot it made sense to play safe and forget about raising non-premium hands. But this didn't seem to matter to most players and chips flew from stack to stack like silver between squabbling magpies. After just three hands I had never felt more comfortable in my life.
By my 3rd Jack Daniels I'd won 1500 in chips and by my 6th I was up another 1k. A flopped ace here.. an overpair there.. As long as I didn't continue bet too much (vs LA) things were going swimmingly.
Well, inevitably the tides change, this tide in particular being the alcohol flowing through my blood. My opponents' habit of overbetting makes any mistake costly, and calling a river with ace high is simply idiotic.
In my final hand (stacks I can't remember, but they were large enough) I rather impatiently raised QJo to get one caller and a flop of Q55. This was an instant push and my opponent gaily flips Q5o; amidst a barrage of cussing scoops the pot.
"What the fuck was that? What the fuck are you doing? Queen five off? What the fuck?" I swore and promised I would be back for my money another day.
"We're fucked", I said to Erik. A lone, full table of regulars - possibly some of the richest men in the district - stared back at us as if we were the very girls they might later purchase with our money.
After an impassioned wait we both sat down and bought in for the minimum 1000 peso. With an ante of 25 (there were no blinds) and a standard bet being at least the size of the pot it made sense to play safe and forget about raising non-premium hands. But this didn't seem to matter to most players and chips flew from stack to stack like silver between squabbling magpies. After just three hands I had never felt more comfortable in my life.
By my 3rd Jack Daniels I'd won 1500 in chips and by my 6th I was up another 1k. A flopped ace here.. an overpair there.. As long as I didn't continue bet too much (vs LA) things were going swimmingly.
Well, inevitably the tides change, this tide in particular being the alcohol flowing through my blood. My opponents' habit of overbetting makes any mistake costly, and calling a river with ace high is simply idiotic.
In my final hand (stacks I can't remember, but they were large enough) I rather impatiently raised QJo to get one caller and a flop of Q55. This was an instant push and my opponent gaily flips Q5o; amidst a barrage of cussing scoops the pot.
"What the fuck was that? What the fuck are you doing? Queen five off? What the fuck?" I swore and promised I would be back for my money another day.
Thursday, 13 November 2008
My night-time dreams, an off-worldly spectator might consider, are always of some ineffective hope - a desperate journey or striving left unsatisfied by the unforgiving realisation of dawn.
I feel perhaps these are the dreams of all young men freshly removed from the turnstiles of education; the pink deep clouds of solace belong to a time now forever past.
O! to sleep idly within that cot of feathers: a child I ought to be!
I feel perhaps these are the dreams of all young men freshly removed from the turnstiles of education; the pink deep clouds of solace belong to a time now forever past.
O! to sleep idly within that cot of feathers: a child I ought to be!
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
How thou becomst, most unholy legions of sex? For it is in essence of the body that we embrace the adolescent craving of man, and not of the mind. And what thoust is it that separates the one from the other, but the wanting and reasoning of such that lends to a better self.
Lo! that love is without lust, lest there be no love at all, and that love of lust is indeed lust in itself. Verily know that love repeats not as the semen squirt'th, but as all eternal memories can allow.
Lo! that love is without lust, lest there be no love at all, and that love of lust is indeed lust in itself. Verily know that love repeats not as the semen squirt'th, but as all eternal memories can allow.
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
The night air was warm and still. Alhanna lay back against the withered chimney, her long auburn hair bunched behind bare shoulders like a sinewy pillow. "Like a dead animal", she thought as she nested her head into a comfortable position and with a delicate grasp extracted the last grey stump from a packet of cigarettes.
"Oh, Errowid, Errowid...", she whispered. Smoke curled from her lips, arching and tumbling toward the skyline of perpetual city smog. "Why did it have to be monkeys, Eri!? Of all the furry four-limbed little beasts you could have chosen, why the most uncontrollable, the most savage of them all!?"
She shook her head and sighed. The shadows appeared to stir for a moment, as if a face had rotated to meet her gaze. Then another voice spoke out, softer and sweeter like that of a child, but with the solemnity of a monk in sacred prayer.
"Monkeys are cool, Alhanna."
And there was not much more to be said. The mobs would disperse, the fires would die out, and those survivors with their doorsteps intact would find them visited by all kinds of official-looking folk with inquiring minds. This didn't worry the Duo, who were packing their bags before even the first police wagon could crash violently out of control. And in any case, the only doorstep they had was the armful of bricks Alhanna had decided to throw at it.
The docks were generally quiet this time of night, but with fire already licking the horizon there was not a captain awake without some eagerness to leave shore. Getting onboard wasn't entirely smooth-sailing but, "A lesson is learnt with every passing obstacle!", as Alhanna liked to say.
"Make them smile, then make them grin", she addressed her little accomplice with perhaps too much of a smile herself, before lowering the choking victim to the ground. They watched together as the man became a corpse, and then slipped it into the waters like some unidentifiable floating wreckage, or an abandoned gift wrapped in lace and adorned by a crimson bow.
And so the two companions escaped St. Lucia City, leaving the rotting homes and crumbling peaks to rot and crumble and goodness knows else. The journey was a rough one - Alhanna made sure of that. She even sent her student on a few tasks of her own.
"Errowid, eh? Pretty name...pretty unusual at any rate", the sailor leered. It takes fifteen muscles to smile and unfortunately this crooked soul was blessed with none of them. Instead he extended a mouthful of the foulest green slabs, so littered in spots of yellow and brown it put Errowid in mind of the time she shat on the pavings at a garden party. There were even bits of moss in there.
"You must be a stow-away, right? Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. It can be our little secret." Errowid did not look worried. Her uncut, silver locks swayed in motion to the rocking waves. "Good girl, you're safe with me. Come give daddy a hug".
She took a step forward and frowned up at him, withdrawing a pair of tiny pink hands from the pockets of her robe. Her nails looked unusually long in the sparse candle-light of the cabin, and took on a metallic gleam that would put the knives of men to shame. The sailor didn't notice -
"But we simply must do something about your teeth," - until it was too late.
The screams were followed by a heavy thud as the man's severed jaw was deposited on the floorboards. Errowid peered down with the expression of someone after a job well done. The sailor stumbled backwards, clutching at his open throat, and collapsed onto a waiting Alhanna. She shrieked in glee and bore down on his mangled remains, biting and gnawing with a bloodlust mirrored in ruby eyes. Moments later she dropped the twitching carcass with a cackle and grabbed Errowid by the arm. In an instant they were gone, leaving only ripples in blood for the sailors to fear.
"Oh, Errowid, Errowid...", she whispered. Smoke curled from her lips, arching and tumbling toward the skyline of perpetual city smog. "Why did it have to be monkeys, Eri!? Of all the furry four-limbed little beasts you could have chosen, why the most uncontrollable, the most savage of them all!?"
She shook her head and sighed. The shadows appeared to stir for a moment, as if a face had rotated to meet her gaze. Then another voice spoke out, softer and sweeter like that of a child, but with the solemnity of a monk in sacred prayer.
"Monkeys are cool, Alhanna."
And there was not much more to be said. The mobs would disperse, the fires would die out, and those survivors with their doorsteps intact would find them visited by all kinds of official-looking folk with inquiring minds. This didn't worry the Duo, who were packing their bags before even the first police wagon could crash violently out of control. And in any case, the only doorstep they had was the armful of bricks Alhanna had decided to throw at it.
The docks were generally quiet this time of night, but with fire already licking the horizon there was not a captain awake without some eagerness to leave shore. Getting onboard wasn't entirely smooth-sailing but, "A lesson is learnt with every passing obstacle!", as Alhanna liked to say.
"Make them smile, then make them grin", she addressed her little accomplice with perhaps too much of a smile herself, before lowering the choking victim to the ground. They watched together as the man became a corpse, and then slipped it into the waters like some unidentifiable floating wreckage, or an abandoned gift wrapped in lace and adorned by a crimson bow.
And so the two companions escaped St. Lucia City, leaving the rotting homes and crumbling peaks to rot and crumble and goodness knows else. The journey was a rough one - Alhanna made sure of that. She even sent her student on a few tasks of her own.
"Errowid, eh? Pretty name...pretty unusual at any rate", the sailor leered. It takes fifteen muscles to smile and unfortunately this crooked soul was blessed with none of them. Instead he extended a mouthful of the foulest green slabs, so littered in spots of yellow and brown it put Errowid in mind of the time she shat on the pavings at a garden party. There were even bits of moss in there.
"You must be a stow-away, right? Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. It can be our little secret." Errowid did not look worried. Her uncut, silver locks swayed in motion to the rocking waves. "Good girl, you're safe with me. Come give daddy a hug".
She took a step forward and frowned up at him, withdrawing a pair of tiny pink hands from the pockets of her robe. Her nails looked unusually long in the sparse candle-light of the cabin, and took on a metallic gleam that would put the knives of men to shame. The sailor didn't notice -
"But we simply must do something about your teeth," - until it was too late.
The screams were followed by a heavy thud as the man's severed jaw was deposited on the floorboards. Errowid peered down with the expression of someone after a job well done. The sailor stumbled backwards, clutching at his open throat, and collapsed onto a waiting Alhanna. She shrieked in glee and bore down on his mangled remains, biting and gnawing with a bloodlust mirrored in ruby eyes. Moments later she dropped the twitching carcass with a cackle and grabbed Errowid by the arm. In an instant they were gone, leaving only ripples in blood for the sailors to fear.
Saturday, 13 October 2007
Note: This is an ARCHIVED entry and does not necessarily reflect how I behave and how I think "today".
Additional note: If you INSIST on experimenting with DPH, start with a VERY VERY low dose, and DO NOT "top up" because the full effects might not kick in for HOURS. The experiences I've had on it were almost fatal, and I had non-stop anxiety attacks (or heart problems?) throughout the day, every day, for WEEKS after.
the other night i took 150ml of dxm/dph solution (cough syrup) and another 30ml of dxm solution. this brought the dose to perhaps 330ml, which is over the recommended newbie dose of 80-200ml.
last week i tried about .. 200ml? of dph only, and had about 3 beers, but i was so exhausted i went straight to sleep. woke up the next day twitching a little.
the night i took this bennylin dry cough original (dxm,dph), and dry cough nondrowsy (dxm) i was also terribly exhausted since i never get any sleep.
i was drinking it quite slowly which is "not recommended" coz it just prolongs the taste and dilutes the effects, but there´s no way i can drink that shit quickly (i´m terrible at downing alcohol also). i got to about the point where i couldn´t drink anymore or i´d throw up because of the taste.
i´ll include some msn logs, only my part of the conversation. we start when brendan asks me how much i´ve taken already...
5:21:25 PM:
100ml
almost immediately after i started sipping it, i already felt changes. the combo of dxm and dph presumeably made this happen (an experience on erowid affirms this). the first effect was that when i moved my head, my perceived vision would lag behind a little. it was cool and felt funky. then it hit me..
5:27:37 PM:
ah god
this
is
just
like
e
i can barely type wetf
do u sway
looool
i do
what followed was a sensation that i would describe similar to xtc, only milder and it only occured in my body - not in my mind. as in, my body felt all buzzy and lovely akin to E, but my mind didn´t feel any different. with E, my mind would be feeling esctatic aswell as my body.
5:28:58 PM:
no mind high like E tho
my hands feel so heavy and so light ast the same time
fuk cba to move oidj
music became too intense/loud
5:32:38 PM:
my music was too loud
i dimmed my lights - walking had become difficult, or weird, and eventually the audio illusions started. at first i wasn´t sure..
5:36:21 PM:
omg
wtf
lol
i thought i eard someones voice
i turnedf everything off
bcubba been my mom
migta been ur song tho
i walked to the front door and back after that, think it was difficult to walk as if i was pretty fucked.
5:44:03 PM:
i souldnt probably have much
if i get fucked so qick for so litle
from now on i experienced various hallucinations, mostly didn´t write anything down because of the effort of it/didn´t care.
i think the first visual weirdness was when i looked inside my syrup bottle and it looked so crazy weird, i just held it up and peered down through the top for ages, then turning it because i thought there was something solid in there, when there wasn´t.
5:52:58 PM:
bren hold up a robo bottle ad look inside
uspasm right
twitvh
legs
spasm
OLOL
SPASM
SPAS,
o god
i remember later a man´s low but detailed voice (don´t think i could quite make out the words, or maybe i could and have forgotten them or didn´t bother to pay attention).
i reached my "taste limit" which meant i couldn´t drink anymore of that bullshit without wanting to vomit (it tastes horrible in large doses fyi).
6:18:00 PM:
im at my limit to drink thats tuff
i just there lloking at our avatars
whcih were trhrobbin to the music
omgh
itriping out lol
i thgouth
apron is trousers an d chad to check
6:25:17 PM:
fick
i m 100% suere t
o poker
to puke
if i hav 1 more sip
6:26:19 PM:
fuckk
i just
put more in my mouth
without thinking
i might puke if i swallow LOL
its sitting in my mouth
6:26:58 PM:
ok
i made it
i gotta fireugr out how to get higher
6:29:53 PM:
wow
fuck
fuck
i keep hearing noises
ok i tink it was from the song some brely audible backing talking
then i was taking a sip of bennylin and holding it in my mouth for a while before i swallowed, otherwise i´d be sick if i done it right away. then suddenly i lost the ability to open my mouth.
6:33:50 PM:
5
the sausage the sausage
i cant opn my muth
brrnfsy i cant opn my mouth aagain
omfg amazing
i put some dxm in anmouth but resufes to swalloe
omg weird, fixed now
my body is auto shutting down more syrup
just then i put it in mouth and closed mouth and cudnt reopen it or chew/move it
my very short term memory was like totally fucked up
6:39:37 PM:
fuck i thought some
6:39:49 PM:
man
timey says: fuck i thought some
what was i about to say
i tried to play some music but would hear audio hallucinations or something weird every so often and it would scare me that perhaps someone (parent etc) had come into the house, so i mostly had music off. i knew it was probably a hallucination or weird noise from a song, but i still had to check incase it WAS my mom, which was possible..
6:46:46 PM:
i hear nonstop woman voices from the corridor outsside
heard
so i had to check if anyone thre
tt was incredible
then visual hallucinations started to occur. i only wrote a small amount in msn because of the sheer effort of doing so, so tons is unwritten.
6:47:52 PM:
keep thinking the light to the left of me fr away is a doorwar to a restaurant ike place
i vns hear voices outside i check..
was sat ther all that time lloking at noth
im scared because u sid itages ages t kick in but i got it right away
i do remember some instances. lights were dimmed.
1. a bottle lid on my desk, i think it was green, and it was bubbling and churning as if some sort of bubbling chemical. it was completely realistic. i think i got closer to see it as a normal lid, then i could sit back and it would start bubbling again.
2. a piece of paper behind the lid. completely realistic. the paper was like a translucent film, and a small hand was reaching out from underneath it, trying to push up through it. it was very spooky and realistic indeed. the paper was stretching outwards as the hand pushed forwards, but could not break through.
3. my monitor, it was very easy to unfocus/focus so my monitor was floating and the background was kind of spaced weirdly behind it, or something.
4. several audio hallucinations, some combined with visual. i could see some of the staff/nurses from work, they would walk up from behind me to my left and stand or sit behind my monitor and talk together. the speach was clear, but i don´t know if i could understand it. it may have been too quiet. at least one occaision i sat up and peered around my monitor to make sure there was no room for anyone to stand/sit (there isn´t).
6:55:22 PM:
i vns hear voices outside i check..
then something weird started to happen..
7:02:59 PM:
fuck
just had a massive spasm
thought i wud die lol the splisecond after it happend
upper body spasm
7:09:19 PM:
yeh but had 1-3 full body spasms
7:11:53 PM:
god
thought there was someone hbehind me
feel so weird
7:18:32 PM:
i a sitting doing nothing
7:24:22 PM:
woah i totaallt zoned out
lol
7:27:02 PM:
someone came in and swapped my towels over osomething
wak
a nurse just walked pas
fuck
im fuckd
gonna check the house
probably just sound from the msuci
7:30:20 PM:
fuck
HOLY FUCK
omg..
i looked at my bottle and it had the lid on and
it was like maggots or cream bubbling out of the bottle
it was SO realistic
7:34:35 PM:
wow
this is unbelievable
i have to keep looking back
just then i heard and felt a person come in the room and stand besie me
7:36:36 PM:
oh
my
god
just then
the visions are crazy just like a dream but ur awake
need more!
7:38:52 PM:
lol im just sitting doing nothing
7:40:45 PM:
2 staff just were attending to someone here
7:43:02 PM:
my god that was spooky
some staff/nurses worked with me briefly
bren
this is fuckedf
i hear voices like "do u want to putX to bed"
and whole cversations
my legs are floating
(note, i work at a nursing home so i was having hallucinations about my work and the people there)
7:47:29 PM:
fuck
rip so hard
im seeingcoworkers etc
shall i continue to drink it==
i stopped for ages
coz was gonna b sick and fort i had a heart attkc
7:49:10 PM:
im just sitting here
lol
7:49:51 PM:
god
so scarey
i looked around and there were clothes dangling
it appears as a pile of garbage
7:54:12 PM:
keep thinking people are in here
then i noticed something really bad was going on...
7:59:55 PM:
bren
i
somethings wrong
8:04:51 PM:
im in silence
bren
i almost fainted
for like 1
8:05:10 PM:
fainting...
8:07:19 PM:
what happened
mlol
yeh
not sure if i shud do anymore
every few mins i have this sensations of heat all my body then i twitch abruptly
8:13:21 PM:
wtf
it fees like its hould b painful?
8:16:46 PM:
soething is rea bad
real bad
8:29:20 PM:
yeh
just laid down
what abot u
8:36:10 PM:
weird
nurse was having conversation the whole time with terry and
someone else and i ust sttting here, when they gfodbye to each other i look and no1 wasd here
8:46:44 PM:
fuck had an illusion but ddidnt realise llol
coz it was abut changing of my shiftfs sso i can get drun k pññlol
bren can you tell me more abou that weird horrible should-b-painful thing pls ?
8:49:49 PM:
brendan
i think itsa heart attack
since a while ago, and for the next 40 minutes or so, i was having symptoms such as pasted below. it was lucky that i noticed this when i did, because i immediately put the syrup to one side and started trying to calm my heartbeat, breath slowly, try to mentally calm my body. i looked on multiple websites and they all said the same thing:
(nhs):
* crushing central chest pain, or mild chest discomfort,
* shortness of breath,
* clammy, sweaty, and grey complexion,
* dizziness,
* nausea and vomiting,
(didn´t notice this but i was already fucked as you know)
* restlessness,
(see above)
* coughing,
don´t think so, not after 1.2 bottles of cough syrup
* a general feeling of being unwell, and
* a frightening sense that one is about to die.
bupa also says "The central chest pain is often described as heaviness, squeezing or crushing.....The pain may be constant, or it may come and go, and feel like pressure, squeezing, or fullness."
The American Heart Association and other medical experts say the body likely will send one or more of these warning signals of a heart attack:
* Uncomfortable pressure, fullness, squeezing or pain in the center of the chest lasting more than a few minutes.
* Pain spreading to the shoulders, neck or arms. The pain may be mild to intense. It may feel like pressure, tightness, burning, or heavy weight. It may be located in the chest, upper abdomen, neck, jaw, or inside the arms or shoulders.
i had this in my arm/s, and in my neck, and later in my forehead (that could have just been headache though). i would describe it as ...yes (scrolls up), as tightness, a bit like mild cramp.
* Chest discomfort with lightheadedness, fainting, sweating, nausea or shortness of breath.
* Anxiety, nervousness and/or cold, sweaty skin.
* Paleness or pallor.
* Increased or irregular heart rate.
* Feeling of impending doom.
8:51:51 PM:
fainting
will lidown
http://www.healthcentral.com/heart-disease/patient-guide-44510-6.html
i have all symptoms
9:22:18 PM:
gonna lie down
its been improving
but honestly i could die any second now=p
no joke
i lay on my bed for ages, with my back propped up on some pillow/maybe the wall, facing straight ahead. i had a phone next to me, and said to myself, i will wait for the next 1-2 palpatitions and gauge whether if are getting better, or stronger and faster. i was about 1 minute away from dialling 999 when the next one came and i decided my condition was indeed improving.
i kept up with the mental effort of trying to relax myself as much as possible. emotionally i was feeling extremely calm, actually. i wasn´t "fearing" impending doom.. i was just thinking, any moment now i might have a full blown heart attack, it will be agony, then i will pass out. if i wake up again i will likely be brain damaged or unable to use a few of my limbs. i was kind of sitting there "serenely", not anxious at all, about the nearest adjective i can use is "serene".. as if it was just a possibility waiting to happen, or to not happen. eventually i was finding myself more and more able to relax or subdue the palpatations (i think), and eventually i went to sleep.
11:54:15 PM:
yes im alive
brendan i was literally
5 minutes away from a heart attack
i shortly went back to sleep and got up at midday to go to work. this evening i contacted the nhs and they phoned me back with an adviser, who basically said i probably just had palpitations and should just contact my GP who can talk in more detail with me.
just after writing this, i spellchecked "palpitations" and realised it is actually an independant condition that does not necessarily lead to heart attacks/is fatal or even particularly dangerous, but i think that if it is severe then it is..
what i believe happened was that the drugs elevated my heart rate (as they are want to do) to a dangerous degree and i experienced severe palpitations and reduced oxygen to my body and brain (fainted or nearly fainted twice). i was very fatiqued due to lack of sleep, and also am physically very unfit.
i have never used xtc in public before because of this and know that i would not be able to cope in a club setting.
all today i have been quite anxious that the palpitations will come back if i do anything stressful (eg walking fast). also, i get very anxious that imagining how i felt last night (how the palpitations felt for example) will stress my body into having them again. i have often had to block out my thoughts by thinking of something else as i feel myself becoming anxious.
i really hope i haven´t done any permanent damage to myself, because this is honestly an awesome drug and i´d like to be able to safely experience it. also i don´t wanna die
=)
Additional note: If you INSIST on experimenting with DPH, start with a VERY VERY low dose, and DO NOT "top up" because the full effects might not kick in for HOURS. The experiences I've had on it were almost fatal, and I had non-stop anxiety attacks (or heart problems?) throughout the day, every day, for WEEKS after.
the other night i took 150ml of dxm/dph solution (cough syrup) and another 30ml of dxm solution. this brought the dose to perhaps 330ml, which is over the recommended newbie dose of 80-200ml.
last week i tried about .. 200ml? of dph only, and had about 3 beers, but i was so exhausted i went straight to sleep. woke up the next day twitching a little.
the night i took this bennylin dry cough original (dxm,dph), and dry cough nondrowsy (dxm) i was also terribly exhausted since i never get any sleep.
i was drinking it quite slowly which is "not recommended" coz it just prolongs the taste and dilutes the effects, but there´s no way i can drink that shit quickly (i´m terrible at downing alcohol also). i got to about the point where i couldn´t drink anymore or i´d throw up because of the taste.
i´ll include some msn logs, only my part of the conversation. we start when brendan asks me how much i´ve taken already...
5:21:25 PM:
100ml
almost immediately after i started sipping it, i already felt changes. the combo of dxm and dph presumeably made this happen (an experience on erowid affirms this). the first effect was that when i moved my head, my perceived vision would lag behind a little. it was cool and felt funky. then it hit me..
5:27:37 PM:
ah god
this
is
just
like
e
i can barely type wetf
do u sway
looool
i do
what followed was a sensation that i would describe similar to xtc, only milder and it only occured in my body - not in my mind. as in, my body felt all buzzy and lovely akin to E, but my mind didn´t feel any different. with E, my mind would be feeling esctatic aswell as my body.
5:28:58 PM:
no mind high like E tho
my hands feel so heavy and so light ast the same time
fuk cba to move oidj
music became too intense/loud
5:32:38 PM:
my music was too loud
i dimmed my lights - walking had become difficult, or weird, and eventually the audio illusions started. at first i wasn´t sure..
5:36:21 PM:
omg
wtf
lol
i thought i eard someones voice
i turnedf everything off
bcubba been my mom
migta been ur song tho
i walked to the front door and back after that, think it was difficult to walk as if i was pretty fucked.
5:44:03 PM:
i souldnt probably have much
if i get fucked so qick for so litle
from now on i experienced various hallucinations, mostly didn´t write anything down because of the effort of it/didn´t care.
i think the first visual weirdness was when i looked inside my syrup bottle and it looked so crazy weird, i just held it up and peered down through the top for ages, then turning it because i thought there was something solid in there, when there wasn´t.
5:52:58 PM:
bren hold up a robo bottle ad look inside
uspasm right
twitvh
legs
spasm
OLOL
SPASM
SPAS,
o god
i remember later a man´s low but detailed voice (don´t think i could quite make out the words, or maybe i could and have forgotten them or didn´t bother to pay attention).
i reached my "taste limit" which meant i couldn´t drink anymore of that bullshit without wanting to vomit (it tastes horrible in large doses fyi).
6:18:00 PM:
im at my limit to drink thats tuff
i just there lloking at our avatars
whcih were trhrobbin to the music
omgh
itriping out lol
i thgouth
apron is trousers an d chad to check
6:25:17 PM:
fick
i m 100% suere t
o poker
to puke
if i hav 1 more sip
6:26:19 PM:
fuckk
i just
put more in my mouth
without thinking
i might puke if i swallow LOL
its sitting in my mouth
6:26:58 PM:
ok
i made it
i gotta fireugr out how to get higher
6:29:53 PM:
wow
fuck
fuck
i keep hearing noises
ok i tink it was from the song some brely audible backing talking
then i was taking a sip of bennylin and holding it in my mouth for a while before i swallowed, otherwise i´d be sick if i done it right away. then suddenly i lost the ability to open my mouth.
6:33:50 PM:
5
the sausage the sausage
i cant opn my muth
brrnfsy i cant opn my mouth aagain
omfg amazing
i put some dxm in anmouth but resufes to swalloe
omg weird, fixed now
my body is auto shutting down more syrup
just then i put it in mouth and closed mouth and cudnt reopen it or chew/move it
my very short term memory was like totally fucked up
6:39:37 PM:
fuck i thought some
6:39:49 PM:
man
timey says: fuck i thought some
what was i about to say
i tried to play some music but would hear audio hallucinations or something weird every so often and it would scare me that perhaps someone (parent etc) had come into the house, so i mostly had music off. i knew it was probably a hallucination or weird noise from a song, but i still had to check incase it WAS my mom, which was possible..
6:46:46 PM:
i hear nonstop woman voices from the corridor outsside
heard
so i had to check if anyone thre
tt was incredible
then visual hallucinations started to occur. i only wrote a small amount in msn because of the sheer effort of doing so, so tons is unwritten.
6:47:52 PM:
keep thinking the light to the left of me fr away is a doorwar to a restaurant ike place
i vns hear voices outside i check..
was sat ther all that time lloking at noth
im scared because u sid itages ages t kick in but i got it right away
i do remember some instances. lights were dimmed.
1. a bottle lid on my desk, i think it was green, and it was bubbling and churning as if some sort of bubbling chemical. it was completely realistic. i think i got closer to see it as a normal lid, then i could sit back and it would start bubbling again.
2. a piece of paper behind the lid. completely realistic. the paper was like a translucent film, and a small hand was reaching out from underneath it, trying to push up through it. it was very spooky and realistic indeed. the paper was stretching outwards as the hand pushed forwards, but could not break through.
3. my monitor, it was very easy to unfocus/focus so my monitor was floating and the background was kind of spaced weirdly behind it, or something.
4. several audio hallucinations, some combined with visual. i could see some of the staff/nurses from work, they would walk up from behind me to my left and stand or sit behind my monitor and talk together. the speach was clear, but i don´t know if i could understand it. it may have been too quiet. at least one occaision i sat up and peered around my monitor to make sure there was no room for anyone to stand/sit (there isn´t).
6:55:22 PM:
i vns hear voices outside i check..
then something weird started to happen..
7:02:59 PM:
fuck
just had a massive spasm
thought i wud die lol the splisecond after it happend
upper body spasm
7:09:19 PM:
yeh but had 1-3 full body spasms
7:11:53 PM:
god
thought there was someone hbehind me
feel so weird
7:18:32 PM:
i a sitting doing nothing
7:24:22 PM:
woah i totaallt zoned out
lol
7:27:02 PM:
someone came in and swapped my towels over osomething
wak
a nurse just walked pas
fuck
im fuckd
gonna check the house
probably just sound from the msuci
7:30:20 PM:
fuck
HOLY FUCK
omg..
i looked at my bottle and it had the lid on and
it was like maggots or cream bubbling out of the bottle
it was SO realistic
7:34:35 PM:
wow
this is unbelievable
i have to keep looking back
just then i heard and felt a person come in the room and stand besie me
7:36:36 PM:
oh
my
god
just then
the visions are crazy just like a dream but ur awake
need more!
7:38:52 PM:
lol im just sitting doing nothing
7:40:45 PM:
2 staff just were attending to someone here
7:43:02 PM:
my god that was spooky
some staff/nurses worked with me briefly
bren
this is fuckedf
i hear voices like "do u want to putX to bed"
and whole cversations
my legs are floating
(note, i work at a nursing home so i was having hallucinations about my work and the people there)
7:47:29 PM:
fuck
rip so hard
im seeingcoworkers etc
shall i continue to drink it==
i stopped for ages
coz was gonna b sick and fort i had a heart attkc
7:49:10 PM:
im just sitting here
lol
7:49:51 PM:
god
so scarey
i looked around and there were clothes dangling
it appears as a pile of garbage
7:54:12 PM:
keep thinking people are in here
then i noticed something really bad was going on...
7:59:55 PM:
bren
i
somethings wrong
8:04:51 PM:
im in silence
bren
i almost fainted
for like 1
8:05:10 PM:
fainting...
8:07:19 PM:
what happened
mlol
yeh
not sure if i shud do anymore
every few mins i have this sensations of heat all my body then i twitch abruptly
8:13:21 PM:
wtf
it fees like its hould b painful?
8:16:46 PM:
soething is rea bad
real bad
8:29:20 PM:
yeh
just laid down
what abot u
8:36:10 PM:
weird
nurse was having conversation the whole time with terry and
someone else and i ust sttting here, when they gfodbye to each other i look and no1 wasd here
8:46:44 PM:
fuck had an illusion but ddidnt realise llol
coz it was abut changing of my shiftfs sso i can get drun k pññlol
bren can you tell me more abou that weird horrible should-b-painful thing pls ?
8:49:49 PM:
brendan
i think itsa heart attack
since a while ago, and for the next 40 minutes or so, i was having symptoms such as pasted below. it was lucky that i noticed this when i did, because i immediately put the syrup to one side and started trying to calm my heartbeat, breath slowly, try to mentally calm my body. i looked on multiple websites and they all said the same thing:
(nhs):
* crushing central chest pain, or mild chest discomfort,
* shortness of breath,
* clammy, sweaty, and grey complexion,
* dizziness,
* nausea and vomiting,
(didn´t notice this but i was already fucked as you know)
* restlessness,
(see above)
* coughing,
don´t think so, not after 1.2 bottles of cough syrup
* a general feeling of being unwell, and
* a frightening sense that one is about to die.
bupa also says "The central chest pain is often described as heaviness, squeezing or crushing.....The pain may be constant, or it may come and go, and feel like pressure, squeezing, or fullness."
The American Heart Association and other medical experts say the body likely will send one or more of these warning signals of a heart attack:
* Uncomfortable pressure, fullness, squeezing or pain in the center of the chest lasting more than a few minutes.
* Pain spreading to the shoulders, neck or arms. The pain may be mild to intense. It may feel like pressure, tightness, burning, or heavy weight. It may be located in the chest, upper abdomen, neck, jaw, or inside the arms or shoulders.
i had this in my arm/s, and in my neck, and later in my forehead (that could have just been headache though). i would describe it as ...yes (scrolls up), as tightness, a bit like mild cramp.
* Chest discomfort with lightheadedness, fainting, sweating, nausea or shortness of breath.
* Anxiety, nervousness and/or cold, sweaty skin.
* Paleness or pallor.
* Increased or irregular heart rate.
* Feeling of impending doom.
8:51:51 PM:
fainting
will lidown
http://www.healthcentral.com/heart-disease/patient-guide-44510-6.html
i have all symptoms
9:22:18 PM:
gonna lie down
its been improving
but honestly i could die any second now=p
no joke
i lay on my bed for ages, with my back propped up on some pillow/maybe the wall, facing straight ahead. i had a phone next to me, and said to myself, i will wait for the next 1-2 palpatitions and gauge whether if are getting better, or stronger and faster. i was about 1 minute away from dialling 999 when the next one came and i decided my condition was indeed improving.
i kept up with the mental effort of trying to relax myself as much as possible. emotionally i was feeling extremely calm, actually. i wasn´t "fearing" impending doom.. i was just thinking, any moment now i might have a full blown heart attack, it will be agony, then i will pass out. if i wake up again i will likely be brain damaged or unable to use a few of my limbs. i was kind of sitting there "serenely", not anxious at all, about the nearest adjective i can use is "serene".. as if it was just a possibility waiting to happen, or to not happen. eventually i was finding myself more and more able to relax or subdue the palpatations (i think), and eventually i went to sleep.
11:54:15 PM:
yes im alive
brendan i was literally
5 minutes away from a heart attack
i shortly went back to sleep and got up at midday to go to work. this evening i contacted the nhs and they phoned me back with an adviser, who basically said i probably just had palpitations and should just contact my GP who can talk in more detail with me.
just after writing this, i spellchecked "palpitations" and realised it is actually an independant condition that does not necessarily lead to heart attacks/is fatal or even particularly dangerous, but i think that if it is severe then it is..
what i believe happened was that the drugs elevated my heart rate (as they are want to do) to a dangerous degree and i experienced severe palpitations and reduced oxygen to my body and brain (fainted or nearly fainted twice). i was very fatiqued due to lack of sleep, and also am physically very unfit.
i have never used xtc in public before because of this and know that i would not be able to cope in a club setting.
all today i have been quite anxious that the palpitations will come back if i do anything stressful (eg walking fast). also, i get very anxious that imagining how i felt last night (how the palpitations felt for example) will stress my body into having them again. i have often had to block out my thoughts by thinking of something else as i feel myself becoming anxious.
i really hope i haven´t done any permanent damage to myself, because this is honestly an awesome drug and i´d like to be able to safely experience it. also i don´t wanna die
=)
Friday, 12 October 2007
Note: This is an ARCHIVED entry and does not necessarily reflect how I behave and how I think "today".
never wud have thought id be thinking "oh, 9am isn´t such a bad time to have to get up tomorrow morning"
the other day it went..
6am wake up
7.10am leave house in freezing cold and dark
7.25am read bus stop, find out earliest bus from main town to my work town is now at 8.35 arriving at 9. cross over road and sit in shitty bus shelter, cursing
7.50am get bus to Tesco. journey time 50 seconds (timed). journey cost $3.80. walk up to Tesco, it´s closed till 10am. walk to mcdonalds, spend $10 on breakfast
8.35am get bus to work. journey 8-10 minutes, cost $5.20.
9am arrive at work already exhausted and depressed
what pissed me off today was seeing a 1-2 minute advert on british tv inbetween Carry On Cowboy. it was EXACTLY in the style of one of those "save the dying children in africa" adverts, except it was for DONKEYS. i actually loled half way thru it was so surreal and pathetic. with that sad music and emotional imagry and video footage of a burdened donkey, toiling its load then lying down in the desert sun gasping for breath, just 3gbr/month can help improve a suffering donkeys life for good.
WTF
theres a similar thing in the Home i work, a big pamthlet in multiple places, with the words "Dónt forget the neglected domestics animals when you come to write your will" followed by pictures of terry the puppy (and many others) who was restored to health thanks to your donations.
never wud have thought id be thinking "oh, 9am isn´t such a bad time to have to get up tomorrow morning"
the other day it went..
6am wake up
7.10am leave house in freezing cold and dark
7.25am read bus stop, find out earliest bus from main town to my work town is now at 8.35 arriving at 9. cross over road and sit in shitty bus shelter, cursing
7.50am get bus to Tesco. journey time 50 seconds (timed). journey cost $3.80. walk up to Tesco, it´s closed till 10am. walk to mcdonalds, spend $10 on breakfast
8.35am get bus to work. journey 8-10 minutes, cost $5.20.
9am arrive at work already exhausted and depressed
what pissed me off today was seeing a 1-2 minute advert on british tv inbetween Carry On Cowboy. it was EXACTLY in the style of one of those "save the dying children in africa" adverts, except it was for DONKEYS. i actually loled half way thru it was so surreal and pathetic. with that sad music and emotional imagry and video footage of a burdened donkey, toiling its load then lying down in the desert sun gasping for breath, just 3gbr/month can help improve a suffering donkeys life for good.
WTF
theres a similar thing in the Home i work, a big pamthlet in multiple places, with the words "Dónt forget the neglected domestics animals when you come to write your will" followed by pictures of terry the puppy (and many others) who was restored to health thanks to your donations.
Thursday, 11 October 2007
Note: This is an ARCHIVED entry and does not necessarily reflect how I behave and how I think "today".
2 days ago i done 12.5 hour shift and by 1am had terrible flu. had 4 hrs sleep the night before so felt pretty crap the whole day, then spent the entire time with my face in diarrea and vomit since about 25 of the residents have it, there was absolutely no way in hell i wasn´t gonna get it myself. didn´t sleep a wink of that night, was like nonstop hallucinations/imaginations, like dreams except i wasn´t asleep. was so weak i cudn´t move the glass to my face for like 6 hours straight. tried to vomit about 7 times but it hurt so much (wtf?) my body auto-stopped it.
2 residents died in the last 3 days, both ones i had spent time with, dressed, talked to, helped to walk, seen a couple of days or hours before. kinda sucked coz a few hours or maybe the day before i was pissed off, i went in to XX just to see him coz he was back from hospital again, got the water sponge thing and was squeezing it against his lips to give him some water, after a bit he started responding and sucking on it and done this for like 2 minutes before i had to go answer a bell. but i thought shit this guy should be still in hospital on a drip, or have someone doing what i was doing 24/7 else he´s just gonna have no water and die asap. i mentioned it to a staff and they said, he´s on deaths doorstep and the family want him to die in the home, we don´t have the staff or facility to attend to him like a hospital so there´s nothing we can do. that poor guy sucking desperately on that sponge and thinking he´s gonna die of thirst and neglect is my last thought of him
we wear gloves at work, no face masks. i can´t fathom why, like i said it was a 100% chance that i caught this virus after being there just 2 days in its prescence, simply because we go from contaminated room to room clearing up vomit, taking off peoples nappies, waiting while they shit diarrea and vomit at the same time while they lay on the bed or are suspended in the hoist, then wipe them, then wait again while they do it again, then wipe them again, etc..
funny thing that the nurse had to "have a word" with me about, was the other night when the undertakers came. the lounge doors were closed, but i thought that was because one of the residents had slipped off her wheelchair, when really it was because they arent supposed to see the undertakers incase they get upset. so i kneel down next to ZZ who´s quite comfortable on the floor right now, and joke "oh the undertakers have come for you" and burst out laughing (as did the other nurse i was with) before everyone in ear-shot came to hush me up. it´s things like this i have to avoid getting fired for so i can get a decent reference for future jobs =/
speaking of which i am ever-so-much nearer to resuming poker. 1 buyin per day at 50NL, in hands, would be very comfortable and pay like 10% more than my work salary. that´s 2k hands/day? maybe when i get tired of my MMO Rising Force Online (which i only play couple hrs per day anyway, if at all). i just had my first taste of RvR, since our race is like 600% underpowered and has enemies invading our newbie-areas non-stop, and since i wandered into the RvR schedualled battlefield and was saved from instant death by a group of high-lvs spinning round the corner, then followed the archon (top player) as long as i cud before my newbie warrior speed got the better of me (so like 30 seconds)
2 days ago i done 12.5 hour shift and by 1am had terrible flu. had 4 hrs sleep the night before so felt pretty crap the whole day, then spent the entire time with my face in diarrea and vomit since about 25 of the residents have it, there was absolutely no way in hell i wasn´t gonna get it myself. didn´t sleep a wink of that night, was like nonstop hallucinations/imaginations, like dreams except i wasn´t asleep. was so weak i cudn´t move the glass to my face for like 6 hours straight. tried to vomit about 7 times but it hurt so much (wtf?) my body auto-stopped it.
2 residents died in the last 3 days, both ones i had spent time with, dressed, talked to, helped to walk, seen a couple of days or hours before. kinda sucked coz a few hours or maybe the day before i was pissed off, i went in to XX just to see him coz he was back from hospital again, got the water sponge thing and was squeezing it against his lips to give him some water, after a bit he started responding and sucking on it and done this for like 2 minutes before i had to go answer a bell. but i thought shit this guy should be still in hospital on a drip, or have someone doing what i was doing 24/7 else he´s just gonna have no water and die asap. i mentioned it to a staff and they said, he´s on deaths doorstep and the family want him to die in the home, we don´t have the staff or facility to attend to him like a hospital so there´s nothing we can do. that poor guy sucking desperately on that sponge and thinking he´s gonna die of thirst and neglect is my last thought of him
we wear gloves at work, no face masks. i can´t fathom why, like i said it was a 100% chance that i caught this virus after being there just 2 days in its prescence, simply because we go from contaminated room to room clearing up vomit, taking off peoples nappies, waiting while they shit diarrea and vomit at the same time while they lay on the bed or are suspended in the hoist, then wipe them, then wait again while they do it again, then wipe them again, etc..
funny thing that the nurse had to "have a word" with me about, was the other night when the undertakers came. the lounge doors were closed, but i thought that was because one of the residents had slipped off her wheelchair, when really it was because they arent supposed to see the undertakers incase they get upset. so i kneel down next to ZZ who´s quite comfortable on the floor right now, and joke "oh the undertakers have come for you" and burst out laughing (as did the other nurse i was with) before everyone in ear-shot came to hush me up. it´s things like this i have to avoid getting fired for so i can get a decent reference for future jobs =/
speaking of which i am ever-so-much nearer to resuming poker. 1 buyin per day at 50NL, in hands, would be very comfortable and pay like 10% more than my work salary. that´s 2k hands/day? maybe when i get tired of my MMO Rising Force Online (which i only play couple hrs per day anyway, if at all). i just had my first taste of RvR, since our race is like 600% underpowered and has enemies invading our newbie-areas non-stop, and since i wandered into the RvR schedualled battlefield and was saved from instant death by a group of high-lvs spinning round the corner, then followed the archon (top player) as long as i cud before my newbie warrior speed got the better of me (so like 30 seconds)
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
Note: This is an ARCHIVED entry and does not necessarily reflect how I behave and how I think "today".
well as you all know i upgraded with a radeon 1950 pro and also to 2 gig ram. WOW the card is AMAZING, and the ram has certainly helped a lot. it was like photograph quality, like as near to realism as i´ve been, including my brief time on gothic 3 and morrowind
(screens from Call of Duty 4 demo and Crysis demo (not taken by me))
this is just godly insane =D and so shiny ><
as for the gameplay, CoD4 seemed solid enough. Crysis had a different, less clostrophobic feel to it and once i realised that it let me do different things.
like first i tried getting in a car on the beach and charging the enermy and then running away coz i suck
then i figured out i have a cloaking device and played like metal gear for a while. i snuck up and killed them then thought hey ill get in the boat this time and sped across the lagoon machinegunning everything and cutting down trees and people left and right
sseriusly the cloaking ability felt just like playing metal gear live action fps it was sweet =D
well as you all know i upgraded with a radeon 1950 pro and also to 2 gig ram. WOW the card is AMAZING, and the ram has certainly helped a lot. it was like photograph quality, like as near to realism as i´ve been, including my brief time on gothic 3 and morrowind
(screens from Call of Duty 4 demo and Crysis demo (not taken by me))
this is just godly insane =D and so shiny ><
as for the gameplay, CoD4 seemed solid enough. Crysis had a different, less clostrophobic feel to it and once i realised that it let me do different things.
like first i tried getting in a car on the beach and charging the enermy and then running away coz i suck
then i figured out i have a cloaking device and played like metal gear for a while. i snuck up and killed them then thought hey ill get in the boat this time and sped across the lagoon machinegunning everything and cutting down trees and people left and right
sseriusly the cloaking ability felt just like playing metal gear live action fps it was sweet =D
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
Note: This is an ARCHIVED entry and does not necessarily reflect how I behave and how I think "today".
http://rappelz.gpotato.com/
by chance i came across rappelz which is produced by the same people who made flyff and like 6 other games.
first impressions:
1. 1.2 gig install with another gig of patching
2. graphics are similar to those in 2moons, more special effects but less detail (2moons has grass flowing all over the place for example).
3. runs well on low graphic settings on my laptop
4. maps are bigger + less linear/more interesting than those in 2moons (i'm guessing...only seen the newbie area so far
5. you choose 1 of 3 races, 'good', 'neutal' or 'evil. each race has male+female character with 6 faces, 2 hair colours and 3 hairstyles to choose from.
6. each race allows you to join 1 of 3 professions: a fighter, a summoner and a magic-user.
7. for example, 'good' race fighter is paladin style, 'evil' race fighter is assassin style.
8. at lv 50 you then specialise in 1 of 2 subprofessions. 'good' magic-user (cleric) will become high priest (more buffs+heals) or bishop (offensive holy magic).
here is an OUTDATED list of skills
http://rappelz.mmosite.com/skills/as_3_2.shtml
9. other features: all characters can summon a mount OR a creature to assist them in battle. these level up with you and have their own skills and evolution levels. the 'summoner' classes focus on buffing their creatures and can also use 2 creatures at once, so are very powerful in lategame when their summons are more reliable.
10. PK. normal mmo pk, you can kill in non-safe-zones but after a few kills get massive penalties to your stats until you kill npcs for ages to get your stats back. there is a 'hardcore pk' server but the system is so insanely fucking stupid i wont go into detail but basically it ONLY detracts from the pk experience, and does so MASSIVELY.
summary:
yes this looks very funky =) the graphics are attractive, except when you zoom out a little the characters lose their clarity (but up close they're very nice). it had a MASSIVE patch this year to help fix balance issues.
reading the forums, it's kinda disheartening to hear people say that their class sucks (pk or pve) and that they simply dont use/advance a lot of skills because they are 'useless skills'.
i really wanted to make a 'good' race 'holy warrior' -> 'divine solider' (basically offensive paladin route) but unfortunately i just dont find the female customisation for that race attractive. the LAST thing i wanted to play was a 'nature magic' neutral race, but the chick is just so damn fine i had no choice =) i considered making a fighter but they seem to suck at pk. i HATE HATE druid classes (don't ask me why), and the 3rd option was the summoner (i hate summoner classes too). i'm still deciding what to pick but i might just settle with the summoner - apparently possibly the best class for pk, but long time before it becomes any good.
lastly, well i'm still contemplating the hardcore pk server. i'll go back and read more of the forum. but unfortunately i'm 99% sure it's worthless
http://rappelz.gpotato.com/
by chance i came across rappelz which is produced by the same people who made flyff and like 6 other games.
first impressions:
1. 1.2 gig install with another gig of patching
2. graphics are similar to those in 2moons, more special effects but less detail (2moons has grass flowing all over the place for example).
3. runs well on low graphic settings on my laptop
4. maps are bigger + less linear/more interesting than those in 2moons (i'm guessing...only seen the newbie area so far
5. you choose 1 of 3 races, 'good', 'neutal' or 'evil. each race has male+female character with 6 faces, 2 hair colours and 3 hairstyles to choose from.
6. each race allows you to join 1 of 3 professions: a fighter, a summoner and a magic-user.
7. for example, 'good' race fighter is paladin style, 'evil' race fighter is assassin style.
8. at lv 50 you then specialise in 1 of 2 subprofessions. 'good' magic-user (cleric) will become high priest (more buffs+heals) or bishop (offensive holy magic).
here is an OUTDATED list of skills
http://rappelz.mmosite.com/skills/as_3_2.shtml
9. other features: all characters can summon a mount OR a creature to assist them in battle. these level up with you and have their own skills and evolution levels. the 'summoner' classes focus on buffing their creatures and can also use 2 creatures at once, so are very powerful in lategame when their summons are more reliable.
10. PK. normal mmo pk, you can kill in non-safe-zones but after a few kills get massive penalties to your stats until you kill npcs for ages to get your stats back. there is a 'hardcore pk' server but the system is so insanely fucking stupid i wont go into detail but basically it ONLY detracts from the pk experience, and does so MASSIVELY.
summary:
yes this looks very funky =) the graphics are attractive, except when you zoom out a little the characters lose their clarity (but up close they're very nice). it had a MASSIVE patch this year to help fix balance issues.
reading the forums, it's kinda disheartening to hear people say that their class sucks (pk or pve) and that they simply dont use/advance a lot of skills because they are 'useless skills'.
i really wanted to make a 'good' race 'holy warrior' -> 'divine solider' (basically offensive paladin route) but unfortunately i just dont find the female customisation for that race attractive. the LAST thing i wanted to play was a 'nature magic' neutral race, but the chick is just so damn fine i had no choice =) i considered making a fighter but they seem to suck at pk. i HATE HATE druid classes (don't ask me why), and the 3rd option was the summoner (i hate summoner classes too). i'm still deciding what to pick but i might just settle with the summoner - apparently possibly the best class for pk, but long time before it becomes any good.
lastly, well i'm still contemplating the hardcore pk server. i'll go back and read more of the forum. but unfortunately i'm 99% sure it's worthless
Monday, 8 October 2007
Note: This is an ARCHIVED entry and does not necessarily reflect how I behave and how I think "today".
flyff mmo =)
a few things:
1. graphics are way less interesting than those of 2moons. they are cute and pretty cool but not the realistic emersive landscapes of 2moons
2. you will take 2 days of grinding with 0 skills (OR you can waste skillpnts), before you reach lv15 and can choose a class.
3. you NEED to read the forums/guides. this is the least newbie-friendly game EVER. if you dont then you'll eventually read a guide at lv15 an find out you needed to collect a certain q item in order to join a particular class - and that you CANT GET IT ANYMORE because you're too high for regular drops from the appropriate NPC. god yes it's a PAIN.
4. it seems like 1 class is completely crap and has bugged ultimate spells which dont work properly (elemental mage) and another is insanely overpowered (going pure dex acrobat + using bows + spamming the same 1 skill, then later going bow-jester instead of bow-archer like you're 'supposed to'"
5. i'm on the PK server of course. they made all servers PK but everyone complained so they removed and left only one. it seems like it's hugely underpopulated. i thought for a decent while about switching to non-pk, more populated server, but what's the point in a non-pk mmo?? right now, i've actually got about 10 people on my friend list, and maybe i just haven't visited the Main City to see the crowds yet.
6. this game looks more grindy than 2moons. like i said, it took me 2 days (although i had work) to get to lv15 ... 2 days before i even CHOSE A CLASS -.- npcs now, at the same level as me, give like 0.5%/kill i think. and i'm lv20
good job with this overpowered class i'm able to solo npcs 4-5 levels higher.
7. flying is cool! i can finally fly (lv20). i bought a cheap broomstick and hoverboard to try both out.
8. i really couldn't decide which class to take, none reaaally appealed except assist (healer) but i found out they can do NOTHING except sit there and heal. but then i found a fighter assist hybrid is possible and i'm going to make one of those.
9. when i first logged in i (of course) made several characters and experimented to see what they look like and with different hair colour (ingame). unfortunately i found, if you make then delete a character, you have to wait 10 days for the name to be cleared -.- so basically i used up the names Perisie, perisie, PeRiSiE and had to then settle with xxPERISIExx and now will wait 10 days before i can remake Perisie and make that my Assist -____-
flyff mmo =)
a few things:
1. graphics are way less interesting than those of 2moons. they are cute and pretty cool but not the realistic emersive landscapes of 2moons
2. you will take 2 days of grinding with 0 skills (OR you can waste skillpnts), before you reach lv15 and can choose a class.
3. you NEED to read the forums/guides. this is the least newbie-friendly game EVER. if you dont then you'll eventually read a guide at lv15 an find out you needed to collect a certain q item in order to join a particular class - and that you CANT GET IT ANYMORE because you're too high for regular drops from the appropriate NPC. god yes it's a PAIN.
4. it seems like 1 class is completely crap and has bugged ultimate spells which dont work properly (elemental mage) and another is insanely overpowered (going pure dex acrobat + using bows + spamming the same 1 skill, then later going bow-jester instead of bow-archer like you're 'supposed to'"
5. i'm on the PK server of course. they made all servers PK but everyone complained so they removed and left only one. it seems like it's hugely underpopulated. i thought for a decent while about switching to non-pk, more populated server, but what's the point in a non-pk mmo?? right now, i've actually got about 10 people on my friend list, and maybe i just haven't visited the Main City to see the crowds yet.
6. this game looks more grindy than 2moons. like i said, it took me 2 days (although i had work) to get to lv15 ... 2 days before i even CHOSE A CLASS -.- npcs now, at the same level as me, give like 0.5%/kill i think. and i'm lv20
good job with this overpowered class i'm able to solo npcs 4-5 levels higher.7. flying is cool! i can finally fly (lv20). i bought a cheap broomstick and hoverboard to try both out.
8. i really couldn't decide which class to take, none reaaally appealed except assist (healer) but i found out they can do NOTHING except sit there and heal. but then i found a fighter assist hybrid is possible and i'm going to make one of those.
9. when i first logged in i (of course) made several characters and experimented to see what they look like and with different hair colour (ingame). unfortunately i found, if you make then delete a character, you have to wait 10 days for the name to be cleared -.- so basically i used up the names Perisie, perisie, PeRiSiE and had to then settle with xxPERISIExx and now will wait 10 days before i can remake Perisie and make that my Assist -____-
Sunday, 7 October 2007
Note: This is an ARCHIVED entry and does not necessarily reflect how I behave and how I think "today".
hey, not really in the mood to write nothin but thought i should keep you guys updated
yeh i'm officially a worker, only 36hrs/w atm which is actually sweet stuff. ~2 days off per week and short (6 hour) shifts. according to calc it should amount to 7.2 hrs/5 day week but the matron has been beautiful and given me an awesome introductionary period to my first full time job.
i'm titled 'auxiary nursing' for a nursing home. we work in pairs and the morning routine is approx. as follows:
up at 6am or earlier coz i take forever.
7.15 walk to 7.30 bus.
8am sign in, check list of shit.
go into a room, say good morning to a resident. depending on person, hoist them using machine onto potty. change pad/nappy. wash face, upper and lower body, or hoist them into chair, wheel them to bathroom and wash them in the bath. after, dress them and wheel into the lounge.
move on to next resident.
resident btw = 'old person'. a few are altogether with it and can (barely) walk themselves, but need help with washing etc. most are quite incapacitated and quite a number are completely incapable of even comprehensive speach or movement, or communicate with shouts or grunts.
afternoons are more quiet. hoist/wheel people to dining areas, serve lunch/spoon-feed them. spoon-feeding some of them can take like 20 minutes. sometimes it's quite funny because a few are pretty insane and gabble garbage, spit out their food, grind their teeth insessantly etc. some are quite pleasant to even chat to (well i can think of 2 off top of my head).
anyway that's my new job. i've been at it since 29th oct (officially). we had a 2-day "training course" which i managed to amuse myself in my own special way.
went to london last weekend to visit brother. bought NEW SHOES (he lives 5 mins from oxford/regeant streets). fucking pimp i might find a pic sometime. tnx to grandmother btw.
went out to bars for first time in AGES on fri night. smacked a townie in the face for pushing over a girl. i was all alone and there was about ...well 10+ of them. i was dumb enough to tell my grandmother about it today (2 days later i'm aching on my mouth and chest) and got an hour lecture about this and that, which i would do well to take to heart and will try to. (1 drunk loner at 3am vs 10+ townies = i have a guardian angel otherwise i would be in hospital right now).
oh yeh, i now have lv52 mage, lv56 knight, lv30 hunter on 2MOONS MMO if anyone wants to chill.
but i just discovered another free MMO called FLYFF (flyforfun). it's quite old/decent (apparently). i just tried it out and am laughing my ass off.
you can only choose loli/cutsey characters and the theme music is so catchy i found myself whistling it after 20 mins =D url is http://flyff.gpotato.com . i'm level 1 atm and would be fun if people wanna join me. it's decent graphics and seems like a laugh. oh, the main feature of it is everyone can 'fly' on surfboards or broomsticks from a low level.
hey, not really in the mood to write nothin but thought i should keep you guys updated
yeh i'm officially a worker, only 36hrs/w atm which is actually sweet stuff. ~2 days off per week and short (6 hour) shifts. according to calc it should amount to 7.2 hrs/5 day week but the matron has been beautiful and given me an awesome introductionary period to my first full time job.
i'm titled 'auxiary nursing' for a nursing home. we work in pairs and the morning routine is approx. as follows:
up at 6am or earlier coz i take forever.
7.15 walk to 7.30 bus.
8am sign in, check list of shit.
go into a room, say good morning to a resident. depending on person, hoist them using machine onto potty. change pad/nappy. wash face, upper and lower body, or hoist them into chair, wheel them to bathroom and wash them in the bath. after, dress them and wheel into the lounge.
move on to next resident.
resident btw = 'old person'. a few are altogether with it and can (barely) walk themselves, but need help with washing etc. most are quite incapacitated and quite a number are completely incapable of even comprehensive speach or movement, or communicate with shouts or grunts.
afternoons are more quiet. hoist/wheel people to dining areas, serve lunch/spoon-feed them. spoon-feeding some of them can take like 20 minutes. sometimes it's quite funny because a few are pretty insane and gabble garbage, spit out their food, grind their teeth insessantly etc. some are quite pleasant to even chat to (well i can think of 2 off top of my head).
anyway that's my new job. i've been at it since 29th oct (officially). we had a 2-day "training course" which i managed to amuse myself in my own special way.
went to london last weekend to visit brother. bought NEW SHOES (he lives 5 mins from oxford/regeant streets). fucking pimp i might find a pic sometime. tnx to grandmother btw.
went out to bars for first time in AGES on fri night. smacked a townie in the face for pushing over a girl. i was all alone and there was about ...well 10+ of them. i was dumb enough to tell my grandmother about it today (2 days later i'm aching on my mouth and chest) and got an hour lecture about this and that, which i would do well to take to heart and will try to. (1 drunk loner at 3am vs 10+ townies = i have a guardian angel otherwise i would be in hospital right now).
oh yeh, i now have lv52 mage, lv56 knight, lv30 hunter on 2MOONS MMO if anyone wants to chill.
but i just discovered another free MMO called FLYFF (flyforfun). it's quite old/decent (apparently). i just tried it out and am laughing my ass off.
you can only choose loli/cutsey characters and the theme music is so catchy i found myself whistling it after 20 mins =D url is http://flyff.gpotato.com . i'm level 1 atm and would be fun if people wanna join me. it's decent graphics and seems like a laugh. oh, the main feature of it is everyone can 'fly' on surfboards or broomsticks from a low level.
Saturday, 6 October 2007
Note: This is an ARCHIVED entry and does not necessarily reflect how I behave and how I think "today".
i started work today.
i had 2 days of 'training'. imaging the Training episode of the Office , but without the fun. there was a pimp ass girl who would come out to smoke with me, she looked about 16 from behind, but was actually pretty old and has a 22 yo daughter. even so, i dunno, i reckon we wouldda hit it off and had something going. i dunno. she was a nice girl anyway.
i talked to my nan a bit. i continued in my crusade to explain why 'bad language' was a social inherited flaw. and how swearing is just simply words . learened from childhood to mean bad. in the same way that a woman driving a car is bad. or that the word friggin or damn is bad, but doesnt mean fuck without context or social background.
i wiped a dying mans ass and will continue to tend to him. infact, most people i will continue to tend to - infact all people i will continue to tend to are dying and hopeless cases.
i dont mean it as any sort of joke. 90% of these people are old, just like you and i will become. they can barely bend their legs and will cause a commotion when you try to dress them or change their nappies.
basically my work consists of rousing a person, then changing their nappy and washing their body. sometimes they will go to the bath, when we will wash them more thouroughly.
this involves using the mechanical hoist to lift them. sometimes they might go to the toilet during this procedure, because they have been holding it in and are embarrassed to go otherwise.
after transfering the person we will wheel them into the lounge area, and later into the dining area. we will then feed them by hand. aftwerwards we will wheel them and hoist them to the lounge area. and then navigate them according to their toilet preferences.
this has been my first official day working, and it has been awkward because i have been assisting two regular workers. however i have been able to assist in minor ways and have had individual oppertunities ie to remove a hoist by myself.
i started work today.
i had 2 days of 'training'. imaging the Training episode of the Office , but without the fun. there was a pimp ass girl who would come out to smoke with me, she looked about 16 from behind, but was actually pretty old and has a 22 yo daughter. even so, i dunno, i reckon we wouldda hit it off and had something going. i dunno. she was a nice girl anyway.
i talked to my nan a bit. i continued in my crusade to explain why 'bad language' was a social inherited flaw. and how swearing is just simply words . learened from childhood to mean bad. in the same way that a woman driving a car is bad. or that the word friggin or damn is bad, but doesnt mean fuck without context or social background.
i wiped a dying mans ass and will continue to tend to him. infact, most people i will continue to tend to - infact all people i will continue to tend to are dying and hopeless cases.
i dont mean it as any sort of joke. 90% of these people are old, just like you and i will become. they can barely bend their legs and will cause a commotion when you try to dress them or change their nappies.
basically my work consists of rousing a person, then changing their nappy and washing their body. sometimes they will go to the bath, when we will wash them more thouroughly.
this involves using the mechanical hoist to lift them. sometimes they might go to the toilet during this procedure, because they have been holding it in and are embarrassed to go otherwise.
after transfering the person we will wheel them into the lounge area, and later into the dining area. we will then feed them by hand. aftwerwards we will wheel them and hoist them to the lounge area. and then navigate them according to their toilet preferences.
this has been my first official day working, and it has been awkward because i have been assisting two regular workers. however i have been able to assist in minor ways and have had individual oppertunities ie to remove a hoist by myself.
Thursday, 23 November 2006
korean commentators, in english:
"did you see that really fat guy with the hat in the intro"
"yeh lol who the fuck was that guy"
"no idea, he reminded me of chojja"
"what a fat piece of shit"
"hahahaha"
"how do they know each others positions right at the start without scouting??"
"maybe it´s because you screamed them out so loudly"
"no i don´t think that is the case. these are both pro players"
"chojja was a pro until you screamed at him. now he´s a deaf player. no wonder he loses so much"
"did you see that really fat guy with the hat in the intro"
"yeh lol who the fuck was that guy"
"no idea, he reminded me of chojja"
"what a fat piece of shit"
"hahahaha"
"how do they know each others positions right at the start without scouting??"
"maybe it´s because you screamed them out so loudly"
"no i don´t think that is the case. these are both pro players"
"chojja was a pro until you screamed at him. now he´s a deaf player. no wonder he loses so much"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
